Motherhood and Choices When Pregnancy is Difficult

By Kathleen Downey, CSC
Shamanic Counselor and Past Life Therapist

The experts say that a housewife and mother has the most stressful of jobs and the single mother’s position of provider, nurturer, organizer, decision maker, housekeeper, cook and friend is the most stressful, and yet nothing deters a woman from fulfilling her maternal desires and need to be a mother. That is nothing except when difficulties like infertility arise in conception and/or difficulties arise in achieving a full term pregnancy. A large percentage of women who plan to be mothers in their mid to late thirties and early forties have been told that they cannot achieve a full term pregnancy safely. In some cases we have proved this wrong and full term pregnancy can be acheived through emotional/spiritual healing. Other women, who meet the requirements, opt to go through the twelve to fifteen month proceedures to adopt children. If we follow the spiritual guidelines that teach us that all things happen for a reason and that our children are our teachers then we will trust that the child we adopt is the child we were meant to have in our lives. Some mothers achieve an immediate bond with their adopted children and others take time.

A few years ago a woman who had adopted two children, a boy and a girl, came to me. Her relationship with her adopted daughter was not as harmonious as she had hoped and she wanted to understand why this special young girl came into her life and what she needed to do as a mother to make the relationship better. Her daughter was adopted from an orphanage in Russia, she was six years old at the time of her adoption. Through Shamanic Counseling and Soul Retrieval we discovered that my client had a difficult time with her own mother who was reserved in showing emotion and subsequently she had no role model for what she longed for, the loving mother/daughter bond. Her father had died in the Vietnam war when she was ten years old. Our Shamanic counseling work gave her a first hand experience with her mother’s state of being which helped her to understand her mother at the deepest level. When she was a young child her mother had suddenly found herself alone as a single mother. It was overwhelming. There was no time given for grieving and so it was a continuous state. Thirty years ago the single mother did not receive the practicle assistance she needs, unfortunately she still doesn’t today. When we looked at her lineage she saw that her grandmother wasn’t available for her daughter and so the cycle continued.

I suggested that she bring her adopted daughter in to me for a Soul Retrieval. She was abandoned to an orphanage and it seemed obvious that the pattern of abandonment, both emotionally and physically, was being shown as a theme issue in the feminine lineage of her family, adopted or not. The young girl from Russia had a birth defect on her left side her arm was missing, her hand, which was claw-like grew out of her shoulder. Her right hand was also a clawhand. Aside from recovering the part of her that was traumatized by both her birth defects and abandonment at birth I saw that she was connected to my client’s father in a recent Past-Life. I asked my client to be especially gentle and loving to her daughter over the next week as she might sub-consciously remember some of the these times of trauma.

At our next appiontment my client reported that her daughter sobbed for several hours the night after her Soul Retrieval. I asked her if she comforted her daughter who was releasing her grief and she said after a few hours she finally went to her and held her and she stopped crying and was much better. Then I asked her to consider that this was a reflection of her mother’s grief and even her own that needed expression and emotional catharcism. I asked her how her relationship with her father was before he died. She said it was great, he was a very loving and gregarious man. I asked her how he died exactly and she explained that his left arm had been cut off by the propeller of a plane. At that time I guided her to see on a Shamanic journey what I had seen in my journey for her daughter, her father’s spirit had returned to her in the body of this little girl from Russia. She broke down and cried as she understood that now was the time for her to give back that loving and demonstrative display of emotion that her father gave to her the emotion she felt was lacking from her own grieving mother. This would change the feminie lineage of grief from abandonment. She then confirmed that her adopted daughter who was relatively quiet literally “freaked out” when they took her on a plane to bring her to the US. There mother daughter relationship has since blossomed into a strongly bonded and loving relationship my client had hoped for with a daughter.

For those woman who understandably feel compelled to carry their own child and experience the miracle of giving birth yet are having a difficult time with IVF and other help may benefit from understanding the emotional/energetic issues that are the underlying reasons our bodies reject pregnancy. One of the many women who came to me about infertility issues is a doctor and a very determined young woman who wanted to have her own baby and had tried IVF several times over the course of two years and failed to get pregnant. She came every week for nearly four months, a reasonablely short time period to achieve the goal of changing a long held belief. During her Soul Retrieval integration work we discovered that her father was not the ideal monogamous and supportive partner physically or emotionally to her mother. Her mother therefore was always under stress and very concerned about keeping her partner attractetd and interested. Her role as mother was secondary to this constant conern and her appearance and moods when she was pregnant conflicted with her primary concern of k eeping her partners interest.

My client was given the opportunity to understand her mothers posiiton and how she herself was tied in to this issue energetically. Our focus therefore was on helping her to see herself as an individual who could undestand and love her mother yet build seperate beliefs about herself which we secured through the agency of her spiriutal guides, Soul Retrieval and Past-Life therapy. These guides respesent our true selves, they help us to build a life based on who we are as individual spiritual beings. Keeping ourselves seperate from our mother’s energy, issues and beliefs, can be a life long endeavor which demands healthy emotional/energetic boundaries. We also had to make sure she felt safe within her own partnerhsip and marriage. Seeing her marriage and relationship as seperate from her parents relationship meant building a trust that she was unfamiliar with, her role models didn’t offer this trust as an example for her to believe in. Therefore, understanding her long term or Past-Life soul relationship with her present day husband would prove to secure that trust. Through our very deep soul-level work we managed to help her build trust in herself which meant building her beliefs on her spiritual strengths that were found through the journeywork with her animal spirit guides who also, in the long run, showed her a child coming. Through her first hand experience with her souls history, her Past-Life, with her husband she realized that he would stand by her under any circumstance and she was able to become pregnant naturally, without IVF. They are now the happy parents of a two year old boy.

Kathleen Downey, is a Shamanic Counselor/Past-Life Therapist with fifteen years of experience, her long awaited book on healing, Map of the Soul: Journey to the Soul Mate, will be available to the public this year. She is based in the North County of San Diego and Los Angeles and can be reached for private sessions at 858.646.9808